Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Yes, I went to see Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter even though I can’t stand vampire stories. I went because the brown eyed beauty, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, plays Mary Todd Lincoln. I went because the greatest US President, Abe Lincoln, hunts vampires. Let me say that again: the 16th President of the United States of America hunted vampires while prosecuting the war against the treasonous South. Come to think of it those traitorous sons of bitches allied themselves with the demons of the night; they are what caused this war. Down with Confederates and the South that supported it.
Anyhow, it was rather funny to see Honest Abe tackling vampire hunting with so much gusto. He swung an axe just as hard to crush vampire skulls as he did splitting wooden rails. He was quite effective.
Why was it that Abe Lincoln was the only one who aged? Was everyone else a vampire? Even Mary Todd?!
Down with the South! Down with the Confederacy of traitors! Down with vampires!
3 of 5 stars.
