The To Do List

broderic on August 12, 2013

How did I find myself stuck between several groups of young girls squirming because of sex talk? I decided to catch the raunch sex comedy, The To Do List.

When I first entered the theatre for the first matinee showing at 2:00, it was empty. I plop myself down in the optimum viewing seat, center seat four rows up. Alone, I was worried that I would be spooked, but then the rest of the audience started filing in. That’s when I got sandwhiched between two groups of girls: a set of college girls in front and another triplet behind me. At least, there were a couple of older gentlemen catching the movie by themselves as well. I was not the only creep in the crowd.

The To Do List is sex from the female perspective. It’ll make you squirm if you are alone amongst a couple of rows of girls. The talk of handjobs, blowjobs, rimming, cunnilingus, pearl necklaces is funny amongst your guy friends. When done amongst nothing but girls, it’s still funny.

The movie is set in the early 90s, so is the music. It opens with 2 Live Crew’s “Me So Horny,” the raunchy version which when listening now it isn’t that bad. It’s still funny.

The main character, the class valedictorian, has to pop her cherry in preparation for the sex in college. So she applies herself to the pursuit of sex like she had done for her pursuit of good grades. She makes a list and crosses items off when done. Hand job — check! Blow job — check! Dry hump — check! It was all very clinical in dispatching items. No sentimentality, but that is sex nowadays. It’s just a formality like shaking hands. It’s not about love; it’s sex and it’s beautiful!

3 of 5 stars.

Otakon

broderic on August 12, 2013

I psyched myself up so much that I almost psyched myself out of going to Otakon. I did end up there on Saturday, but I didn’t get to experience it all just the cosplaying and the dealer room.

The week leading up to Otakon I couldn’t fully make up my mind to go. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go or not. On one hand there is no day ticket; it’s $80 at the door for the whole 3 day affair. Would I be able to spend that much time? Perhaps Saturday, but Sunday? To make that $80 go far it would have to be two days.

I went Saturday but failed to make it on Sunday.

Cosplaying is out of hand. I could admire those that put effort into their costume, but most of the time they cosplayer just slaps something on. There’s clever and then there’s the cosplayers from Otakon. Or is this just an non-japanese thing?

I stood in a line expecting that what I was waiting for would turn out to be worth it. Then I checked the description again, found out they would show several episodes before the special guests would speak, and I jetted. I worked my way to a manga industry panel, Vertical, to see what they had coming out.

That was only thing I sat in on. The day was cut short because I had to go to dinner for a cousin. I left having accumulated several phone charms of K-ON! girls (Waitress Mugi, Jun-chan, and Ui), the special Lawson limited edition Nendoroid petit of some K-ON!! girls (Azusa, Mio, and Yui), and 3 manga of Watamote in Japanese.

It was fun. I’m thinking about next year.

Bat Hunt 2013

broderic on August 6, 2013

Not since the Great Bat Hunt of 2000 on the evening of Dad’s wake has the species Chiroptera dared to take on the Gonzales clan. On that night thirteen years ago, we defeated the bat that invaded our home. Tonight, they came again and left defeated.

I was sitting at home playing Simpsons Taped Out when Mom called. “There’s a bat in the house.” “Can’t you throw a blanket over it?” “It’s flying!” “Do you need to have me come over?” “YES!” So I went.

The last Bat Hunt was a full house of hunters. Tonight, I was on my own. Going through my mind was the fierce movement of the critter. It flies in zig-zags swerving and diving as it echo location finds clear paths throughout its paths. I wasn’t looking forward to this on my own.

When I get to the house, it was dark lock down like the geo-engineering colony on LV426. Even when I entered the house, it was dark and the alarm was on. “Hello!” Mom was upstairs locked in to keep the bat away. I go room by room turning on the lights. Nothing downstairs. Wait, there it is in the dining room light fixture.

Spotted! I’m gonna need something to catch it with. I’m going to need a blanket. Throw it on the chandelier, but will it hold?

Let me first poke it to see it move. Open up the doors so that we can shoo it away. I’m needing a longer pole. I don’t want to get close. I find a pole and a fish tank net in the garage. MacGyver has nothing on me. Here we go.

I try to capture it while it resides in the chandelier, but to no avail. I actually dislodge the bat which begins to fly around the room. Going through the house. Mom throws the blanket over her to keep from seeing the bat. I’m whooping and screaming like Kukichiyo seeing lady farmers. I’m trying to drive the bat to an open door. “Stand up, Mom! Stand up! Act like a wall so that the bat’s echo location will drive it to the open door!”

I catch it once. Then it’s out again. I chase it room to room finally succeeding in driving it out the front door.

Adrenaline surged through me throughout the hunt. Now I’m coming down. We are laughing again. And we go find out where it could have entered the house from.

The Great Bat Hunt of 2013 is done. Now I need to sleep. Calm down first – then sleep.

The War Against Fat: Losing Ground

broderic on August 4, 2013

July Regression

I miss 202.8. I’m now bouncing around 203 to 206 which is sort of making me depressed. I know what’s the problem: summertime. I just want to eat food during the summer. The crabs, the corn, the barbecue, the paella, etc., etc. Don’t forget the ice cream! Food’s too good to pass up.

I’ve slipped on the food end and also the exercise end. Rowing was hurting my left elbow. I was basically trying to increase my stroke rate that I was pulling too much. Eventually, my elbow started hurting. I haven’t rowed in 2 weeks. I’m not going to for another couple of weeks. Not sure if that’s good. I’m gonna have to find something in the mornings. Perhaps some calisthenics?

Anyway, does it look like I can make my weight? No idea. 195? That’s a long way away and lot’s of work to be done.

The Wolverine

broderic on July 31, 2013

Admittedly, it was a low bar, but The Wolverine is a damn fine X-Men movie. It’s almost good.

The Wolverine takes the classic Miller-Claremont 4 issue Wolverine comic and translates it to the screen. I hadn’t read it in about 2 decades, but from what I can remember, all the story beats are there.

I liked Yukio. She’s bad-ass. I liked Mariko: now that’s a Japanese name. I didn’t think the baddy, Viper, was anything.

The plot kind of meandered for a bit. It didn’t make sense at times: like it needed to wrap up some time.

Stay through the end credits.

3 of 5 stars.

The Conjuring

broderic on July 27, 2013

I should be writing this review of The Conjuring in bright daylight, but a rainshower has just rolled through darkening the evening sky. Hopefully, it doesn’t put shadows in places where I dare not look.

The Conjuring was about one of the scariest cases of the paranormal investigators, Ed and Lorraine Warren. They were the investigators responsible for the Amityville case. At the start, they are investigating a haunted doll. That doll is the most frighteningly evil doll you will ever see. I hate dolls.

The Warrens eventually are asked to investigate a haunting at the Perron house built on the plantation of a former Salem farmer. Yeah, it’s not an Indian burial ground, but it is the cause of the evil.

The Conjuring then mixes up several better scary movies. There’s the Poltergeist style investigation when the Warrens set up camp in the house awaiting the paranormal activities to commence. There’s The Exorcist style exorcism to exorcise the evil from the house.
You would think the movie is derivative. It’s not. It mixes these other films in the best way for a different effect.

Supposedly, The Conjuring was rated R because of it being to scary. I wasn’t scared enough, and that is saying something. I squirm when watching scary movies. I did squirm during this one, but later at night I didn’t get scared of the dark. And by the next day, wasn’t scared of anything at all. Does this make it terrible because it failed to make me scared? No. I still loved getting creeped out. I still loved the setting and the pacing. The ghost was okay (The Woman In Black still creeps me out to this day), but overall it did its job.

4 of 5 stars.

Grown Ups 2

broderic on July 23, 2013

I saw two movies this past weekend. One of them was the most scariest thing I’ve seen in the theatre in a long time. The other one was The Conjuring.

Grown Ups 2 is the quickie cash in from those fellows in the original Grown Ups. Nothing can prepare you for the horror. The original at least had a semblance of a story — its sequel nada. I didn’t laugh once. Okay, maybe a few chuckles but not hard or loud as the crowd of 13 year olds did. They even clapped at the end! Sadly, those kids are our future and they all are knuckle heads.

Don’t watch this movie even if it comes on cable. There is nothing redeemable about it. I want to gouge my eyes out. I can’t believe I saw this.

Afterwards, I thought about the failure of Hollywood. This is what they are offering now. Unfortunately, they probably have more of the same. The action has gone to television. They tell stories there and not spectacles. They are more creative and not creatively bankrupt. They tell stories you want to see. Movies not so much.

1 of 5 stars.

Mental Note

broderic on July 22, 2013

Do not, I repeat, do not cut and paste from iOS Notes app to the blogger app. The style sheet will be copied as well making your post ugly.

Doesn’t anyone know the beauty of plain text?

She Was

broderic on July 22, 2013

Fresh dream about S. 

Not sure if it was at Ocean City or in Spain. 
Started like any other dream: we were on vacation. I met up with her at our condo or villa. She was much older but she was still beautiful. There were a ton of us. She was studying or doing some school but she decided to come over and hang out. Then we suddenly had a bright idea to go out to Camillo and Gigi’s place. She didn’t want to go, but went any way. I drove a bus. 
There was plenty of drinking and fun times.  We were out late. S had a conversation with my mom. 
Then it was time to go home. I woke her up by tickling her feet. I said did she want to go home. Yes. Then I woke up everyone else.  I was going to drive the bus.  I woke up Cousin Bob who was passed out in a garbage bag rain coat. Cousin Ness was shaking her head with how late it was. We were heading back to the Condo or the Villa. 
Before we left, I asked S what her plans were for the next night. I wanted to ask her out on a date.  She said she had to study. She went out tonight, but she didn’t expect to have been out all night. My date question was not asked. I was too scared she’d turn me down. 
While driving back. We discussed the deaths of our fathers. She was looking as old as we are. I remarked about the passing of my father. She said that in the conversation with my mom that she looked like her father. I said were. She goes to show me up close. Her eyes? No, she pulls up her hair. I noticed her age. She’s still as pretty as I thought she was 17 years ago. She says her forehead. I smile about that. 
We get back. Everyone runs out the bus. I have to drive some guys back to another place. I’m driving the wrong way. I take crazy paths just to make a u-turn. 
This dream started in Gilman as a senior in the new senior room with new lockers. It progressed through chapel at church.  Then it got me onto the beach where S was. Darnit she was so pretty.