Toot On!

Yes. Yes. Yup. Yes. Even more so.. YOU’RE GOD DAMN RIGHT!

I’ve always said “Lemon of Troy” was my favorite Simpsons episode ever. It was always implied that it was the best one, too. So let Patrick H Willems break it down how great it really is.

Bad Boys for Life

Bad Boys for Life was missing the Micheal Bey. The swirling cameras. The spinning shots. The larger than life poses. I wanted Beyham to remind me, “Bad boys for life!”

This film is trying hard to become like the Fast and the Furious films. It’s trying to pivot to being a franchise. It introduced a back story which was ridiculous. It filled in the past 20 years with stories and characters that look interesting but. And it gave us one of the most outrageous twists I have seen in films since… Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. No not a child of Palpatine, but something equally dumb. It’s also set up for a sequel which I guess continues the franchise, but what a nutty premise to get to the end and to start again.

Hopefully, Beyham returns.

3 of 5 stars.

Weathering With You

Weathering With You is Makoto Shinkai respectable followup to his fantastic, world-wide hit, Your Name. It also follows the template to much of his work: star-crossed lovers, separated by a distance, eager to realize the fate that was meant to be. Sometimes it adheres to it too much as this one really just reminded me of the previous film. His style could be a blessing or a curse. I found it rather pleasant and kind of wish for more.

Weathering With You is about a ‘weather girl,’ a girl that can control the weather. In this instance, rain. In the Japan of the film, it is a rainy season that lasts every season. The people wish for it to stop and only one person can make it pause for a few hours — the ‘weather girl.’

At first, she is a myth pursued by the main protagonist as a reporter for a shlock paper. He had run away from his home in the provinces. He was taken in by the paper’s owner/writer/editor, and he was tasked to debunk that myth. He founds out that it wasn’t. That it was real and he’s all for protecting (and profiting) the girl.

When the citizens take too much from her, the protagonist protests and wishes for her to stop using her powers. Let the rain fall so that he can continue to love her.

I did like the film. I wish it wasn’t too much like his previous. I’m hopeful that the next Makoto Shinkai anime is something different. I’m hopeful that it is also familiar.

3 of 5 stars.

Best Films of 2019

Down to the last few days of 2019. Will I get to see a movie and add it to this list of best films I saw in the theatre? Maybe, there’s still a couple out there that I really want to watch, but I haven’t gotten around to. Also, maybe this list has a few films released the previous year, but once again, for those new to this blog, these are films I saw in the theatre in the year 2019.

Those are all 4 star films. Nothing really knocked me out this year, and there wasn’t really that many good ones I saw.

What’s your list?

Stars Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Episode IX was the fitting end to decade when movies became all about the franchise. A once moribund, but beloved film franchise, restarted in the middle of the decade amongst other franchise films, ending in a somewhat leaden finale. It sums up the breakdown of Hollywood as they chase the movie franchise devil. The entirety of movie making is broken. Maybe the salvation for good story telling is really in the streaming realm. Or has that broke, too.

I did not like what they did with the premise of The Last Jedi. I thought the previous film was brilliant and would give us a different type of Star Wars ending. Of course, because of its controversy the studio decided to give us a conventional ending. It was very much a “Return of the Jedi” ending to the trilogy — same thing as the first but bigger, louder, and more of.

Not to say I didn’t enjoy myself, but the themes presented from the previous installment were abandoned (as was Rose Tico). The sense that the Force is not destiny — abandoned. It was missing. To be a Force user then you have to be born with the midiclorians. Sucks. I wish Rey wasn’t from any family, because it was more interesting.

#FreeRoseTico

3 of 5 stars.

Parasite

Oh, wow. What an egregious mistake. I was making my year end list of best films I saw in the theatre this year (wait for it!), and I see that I missed posting a review of Parasite. It’s one of the best films of the year — well reviewed and well deserved. It was a comedy, then it was a thriller, then it was a tragedy, and it wraps up as hope.

Also, the funniest thing ever. I went to the bathroom in the middle of the film. I was trying to find a spot to go. There was the down time as the protagonist family was getting drunk. I did not step out. I went as the scene finished with the previous housekeeper knocking on the door in the rain. Imagine my surprise as to what happened when I got back in. Alls I can say is, “Who’s that guy?”

I don’t remember too much, but I did like it. Actually, I remember a lot, but I think I’m still trying to process it months later.

4 of 5 stars.

The Good Liar

As I watched the movies this past few months, I knew from looking at the trailer that I was going to be seeing The Good Liar. It looked like a film my mother would want to see. Not me. So we went to see it.

It was fine for a Saturday afternoon. This is a film that still need to be made. It allows people to find something in the theatre to watch besides superhero films and scary movies. Hollywood should try to make more of these, but the public doesn’t believe in watching movies in the theatre.

3 of 5 stars.

Last Christmas

There’s a joke for weebs about George Michael’s Last Christmas. It’s the only Christmas song that the Japanese play. It’s terrible, because it’s about breaking hearts. I guess, for the Japanese, Christmas is for heartbreaks considering the country isn’t religious. I think they all go out on dates on Christmas. At least, that’s what anime has taught me.

Anyhow, there’s a twist in the movie, that if you paid attention will be completely obvious.

Overall, not a bad film. It may eventually become a Christmas classic. But that will take the likes of everyone to make it happen. Make it happen, everyone. We need another film to enter the Christmas film cannon.

3 of 5 stars.

The Lighthouse

The Lighthouse is a strange film from the director of The Witch. It’s a black and white film shot in a 4:3 aspect ratio starring Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson as the lighthouse keepers. They go mad being cooped up alone in a lighthouse.

Was it all in their minds? Was it really madness? It was like Jack from the Shining going crazy. They were all going crazy from the solitude.

Now the hardest was that both characters were talking like The Sea Captain from the Simpsons. Sometimes it was hard to understand. Yaarrghh.

Was it scary? Yes in a psychological way. Madness is scary. And crazy ass masturbating lighthouse keepers, too.

3 of 5 stars.

Joker

Joker.

Again I find myself baffled at the accolades this one receives. I get it. It’s no MCU fun superhero romp. It’s dark. As dark as other DC movies have been. And yet these dark DC films always seem so ridiculous because of their attempt at the darkness. It’s like some goth girl telling you how dark her outlook on life is. You just got to laugh. Too earnest in darkness is just some funny adolescent shit.

It was fine. But still. The darkness.

3 of 5 stars.