The Detritus of the Season

We’re nearing the end of another year and the end of the holiday season. I’ve survived and so have you. It is a weird thing to think about, but the holiday season hasn’t been the holiday season in a long while for me.

I’ve given up on religion for at least four years now. No church, no belief in an afterlife, no God, and does this affect how this part of the year plays out.

In my younger days and in the days before giving up on religion, I’ve always felt this to be the best time of the year, because of the connection you get from serving your fellow men with greetings of good tidings and holiday wishes. The giving of gifts extended these feelings; an extension of freely giving of yourself to others, in service to others. The selflessness that this season aroused in me was welcome.

But lately, I haven’t felt that way. I doubt it is the loss of religion as I don’t believe having religion as a precondition to being selfless and caring. It’s more that the last couple of years, the Decembers have swept by and the holidays get up and get down. Before you know it they’re upon you. You spend hectic days shopping, but never contemplating what it all means.

I find that only a few things can get me out of the funk and into a holiday mood. It’s A Wonderful Life is one, but sadly, it is no longer shown on every channel, every where. The Charlie Brown Christmas album is another, but iTunes is evil and splits it into 2 albums so I can’t listen to it completely on iPhone. These two, any time I catch them during December, it instantly becomes the holiday season.

Yet, I still wish I could get that feeling back. Christmas is gone. Maybe next year.

“I feel so naked.” “What’s so new about that?”

Lately, I've been listening to music that is a bit heavy. It's got to be somewhat somber and scary. If I have to put it into words the type of music it is, my sentence would be, "Music scary to old, white people." I've already wrote about my search for some Sabbath. I've got it, ripped it, and now I'm listening to it at work. I want to jam out to "War Pigs" and howl like I, myself, am "Paranoid." Turn the volume up to 11, sit hunkered at my desk, and listen for the subliminal messages.I've jammed out to Public Enemy. "Can't Truss It!" "Don't Believe the Hype!" A big, black fist thrown in the air in defiance. Imma gonna get mine and take it out of your hide.Ice Cube's third album, "The Predator," boomed from my car on the ride in. Written around the time of the Rodney King riots it's a about taking down the clowns in authority through any means necessary. "Not guilty. The filthy devils try to kill me."Always on the rotation is Alice in Chains. I just love the sludge they put through my earbud's speakers. Dark, depressing stuff.I know I'm just anxious. Stuck in my predicament, I can't really doing too much. Or I can, but choose not to at this time. It's making me hateful. I would just love to jam out to something dark. Turn the lights off. I'm gonna get some.

NO TV

The condo association was doing maintenance on the property. They were putting up flashing and redoing the AC ducts on some of the condos. They also decided to realign my satellite dish. Now I don’t get any TV.

I did have the digital receiver, but who wants to watch broadcast. I need my TCM.

So I’m spending the weekend without television. Looks like I can get through my netflix movie and some other DVDs that I haven’t opened yet. Looks like I will be spending more time on the internet not like I haven’t though. Looks like I should clean my house.

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You get the picture.

54,605 meters

I’m about two weeks into the Holiday Challenge and I’m completely pooped. Eight full days of working out: 5 workdays last week and 3 days so far this week. The title says it all. I have about 10 days left. Maybe I can do it.

The first week, last week, I was doing 5000 meters plus 1 mile on the treadmill a day. My knees were aching because 30000 meters was more than I have done in a week. It was 100% more and I feeling it. So this week. That mile is gone. I was also working out. Maybe next week my gym workout would only be rowing on the rowing machine.