Tag: movies

Ultraviolet

I wish I could be as clever as the dude who wrote the two word review for Spinal Tap’s Shark Sandwich album. “Shit sandwich.” This was as lame as they come. For the first time in my life, I really wanted to get up and leave, and I wondered why no one else was doing the same.

I thought it was going to be the good type of bad that was Catwoman, but it was really a bad kind of bad. The type that makes you wonder, on this the night the Academy hands out its awards, if Hollywood is smoking some dooby.

Ultraviolet, ultra shit.

1 of 5 stars

I’m gearing up for the upcoming summer movie season. Consider these reviews spring training. Have you noticed that the summer movie season has started earlier and earlier each year? Look at what’s coming up in March. It doesn’t officially start until Memorial Day (or is it Labor Day) in May, but there are some potential blockbusters opening soon.

Firewall

Harrison Ford stars in a high tech thriller. This was an amalgamation of El Fugitivo and Air Force One. It sucked. Ford seems to be content in playing the harrassed man who has to save his family or himself. I thought it was going to be a hacker film, which would’ve saved it in my eyes, but it ended up being a thriller of un-epic proportions. Don’t watch this unless you catch it on Skinemax. Don’t order Skinemax, but wait until this shows up on TBS. Don’t Tivo it. You can catch it on broadcast TV, but only in small doses.

1 of 5 stars

Nightwatch

Nightwatch is another movie about vampires. They should’ve had some Lycans show up. Or at least some kick ass babes. They did, but I think we’ll have to wait for the sequel to see Olga kick some ass. Then it might be awesome. Perhaps the sequel is on bittorrent already.

3 of 5 stars

When I saw the first Underworld, I was slightly impressed. I don’t go for vampires. No fascination with them whatsoever. Yet, this war with werewolves was intriguing. If I had blogged the movie back then, my review would’ve been a solid 3 of 5 stars. Mediocre but watchable.

Well the sequel to Underworld had opened up last week and I had to watch it. I confess that I was anticipating it for the last month. Not only for Kate Beckinsale in tight leather, but to finish up the story. I was sorely disappointed. In fact, I think I was played for the fool.

This sequel starts off perhaps minutes after the last, but it is light years from the first. I can’t believe that this was the same setting as the last. It seems as if the writer and the director wanted to throw out everything good about the previous film and start anew. And where they started was at the core of Blood Rayne (I have not seen it, but I am sure it is just as crappy). It then flows into a mire of crap. The trilogy seemed condensed into a two-parter. Perhaps they knew with this stinker of a movie that they could not tell it all because they’ll all be fired by then. There was more chases, more Kate Beckinsale skin (a plus!!), and more vampires. After the defeat of the werewolves there was no more enemy except themselves. Vampire v. Vampire. As Butthead would’ve said, “This sucks, Beavis.” What happened?

Don’t make the third installment. I won’t watch it after being robbed.

2 of 5 stars. For the naked side of Kate Beckinsale.

Capote was a movie that demonstrated to us that there are still actors in this world. Truman Capote was played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and his sidekick, Harper Lee byCatherine Keener. That is a powerful 1-2 punch of acting if you ever saw one. While it was an actors movie neither of the two disappeard completely into their roles. I think the fey voice that Hoffman used for Capote distracted me.

4 of 5 stars.

Although too late to appear on my year end: list of the best of 2005, I caught some movies over the holidays. I therefore owe you some reviews. I wish I could write these but they will be short.

While some had seen this early in the season, we watched The Family Stone on New Year’s day. While Luke Wilson always is a pleasure to see in a film, this movie does not rest on his shoulders. It rests on Sarah Jessica Parker’s, and her skinny ass could not bring this one home. I lost interest when I could not believe that anyone could fall for her let alone someone her complete opposite. It was only a film.

3 of 5 stars.

To brighten up the holidays, I caught Munich the day after. I think the controversy over this one is uncalled for. Most likely the people complaining about the sympathy it evokes for the Palistinean cause never saw a frame of the film. Yes it does cast Israel in somewhat of a bad light, but only if you think that they should not have retaliated.

In fact, I thought Spielberg gave voice to the anger and made sure that revenge is something that is tolerable. I completely did not read the “war is bad” vibe into this. Maybe Eric Banna did not convey what needed to be conveyed about revenge very well. He was to transform into person who did not know where his morals went. I did not see it.

4 of 5 stars.

I also saw Harry Potter 4 again. I give it 4 of 5 stars on second go round.

Looks as if my niche of movie reviewer has just been invaded by my buddy at the seed who has posted his own take on King Kong. From the title, I guess he don’t like it.

Well we saw it on the opening night, and we left the theatre with the same impression. The movie could’ve been better. I must agree with the seed that the movie should have been tightened up more. It was 3 hours that didn’t feel like 3 hours yet was feeling fully like 3 hours was passing by. The length of the film is a problem. I thought Jackson should’ve trimmed 5 minutes from each scene. I think he’s got auteur fever running through his veins. Feel the time.

Nami Watts was a pleasure to watch. She’s beautiful and I could certainly understand how Kong could fall for such a beauty. Yet, I found some of the interaction between her and the monkey kind of rediculous. I can’t believe that that monkey could’ve stayed up on that ice. I couldn’t believe the vaudeville act would work.

I regret that Jackson had to add the Jimmy character. I thought he was going to shoot the monkey in the end. What with all the build up around him. I thought he was going to be a major character, yet he turned out to be just a minor character.

Overall, it was good. Watch it for the holiday season as it is the movie to watch. Just don’t think it will be the knockout that the professional reviewers are saying it is.

3 of 5 stars.

“I don’t like the police, but I do like Kong. And what they did to Kong was wrong. It was wrong. What they did to Kong was wrong. It was a big wrong. A big W.”