Things we watch in the cinema or on tape, DVD, and streaming
As promised, my review of Constantine. I don’t want to dwell to long on why I did not like it. Go watch Little Nicky. Same plot. Less laughter. I wanted it to be good. The previews made it look good. It ends up that watching it was bad. I was bored. Really bored. Go watch Little Nicky. It is much more entertaining than Constantine.
2 of 5 stars.
Pete’s (of APCB) day job is to review movies. I read his take before watching the movie. It is one that I agree upon. The movie is good for the time frame that it is released, solid for a romantic comedy, and well crafted by everyone involved. Naturally, seeing it the day before Valentine’s day meant lots of couples. Seeing it as a Sunday matinee meant lots of Jewish couples. Seeing it the first weekend meant a crowded theatre. I imagine that it business will be good for Will Smith this weekend.
Romatic comedies always make me squirm. You may know this about me if you read the previous post, but I like movies to end with the boy not getting the girl. Yet all romantic comedies end with the boy and girl living happily ever after. Hitch is no different, but after watching In Good Company yesterday, Hitch is like a breath of fresh air. It made me happy and I am a sucker for movies that make me feel good. (Man I must like a lot of different films!)
As a movie, Hitch follows the normal conventions as other romantic comedies. Boy and girl meet cute. Boy established a rapport with the girl. That rapport is messed up usually by a Three’s Company like misunderstanding. Boy tries to re-establish the rapport, but is rebuffed. Then the third reel unrolls and the boy wins the girl back in the end. And they lived. Happily. Ever. After. Will Smith is charming in this film. Eva Mendes could’ve been hotter. I was especially attracted to the Allegra Cole girl. Anyone know who she is? Short haired blondes do it for me every time. The movie was enjoyable. It would be a wonderful date movie. Now if only I had a date doctor myself to fix me up…
3 of 5 stars.
I must admit that I love movies without a trite Hollywood ending where the hero dies or, especially, does not get the girl. Sorry if I spoiled this movie if you hadn’t seen it already, but that was what I had thought about coming out of the theatre. It must be the loner/cynic in me that gets off in seeing others lose. It is not that I find joy in the character losing the girl, but that I sympathise with the character’s loss. In a sense, I know that I too am that guy.
In Good Company isn’t really about anything I had just explained. Yes, Topher Grace does not get what’s-her-name? in the end. The star was really Dennis Quaid. He’s on a roll of sorts in the last few years after his public cuckolding by Meg Ryan. He has acted in a few notable films and garnered some respectables reviews. Good for him. Topher Grace acted very well. He epitomizes youth not truly knowing what they are doing, but just saying a lot of hip jargon to conceal their inexperience.
I am giving this movie a middle of the road rating, less for how it played and more for the contrived story. The lesson learned is one that has been told often. Your elders have wisdom beyond your years. I could’ve gotten that from reading a blog. So, the movie was well acted, liked the somewhat somber ending, but hated the preaching.
3 of 5 stars.
I won’t bore you with the full title to this movie. It was truly a sequence of unfortunate events that lead me to watch this. Actually, it was just one, deciding that it would be a good movie to watch. How I wished it were so! Boring and forgettable. I had watched it at least 2 weeks ago, and I normally post my review immediately, but this movie I completely forgot about until I was posting the previous review. Watch it at your own peril. (Or just wait for it on TBS in a year.)
2 of 5 stars.
This was not the worst movie that I have seen this year. This was not the best movie I have seen this year. This was the most predictable movie I have seen this year.
Right from the start, as soon as your main character begins to have “flashbacks”, you know the end of the story. I sat there impatiently waiting for the story to unravel in its predictable course. I was not disappointed. The trailers showed a lot of what was to happen, but you would’ve already figured it out.
Dakota Fanning I can’t stand. She has got to be a robot or something less human. She channeled Wednesday Adams. She had me laughing aloud. I did not like her from the start, but once she went into Wednesday mode I could’nt help but think that she magically turned in a campy performance, a tour de force of unseriousness. She was the only actor in the film to acknowledge that the movie was a crock. I walked out stunned, because I think I have to change my attitude towards her. Dakota Fanning I only dispise a little bit.
2 of 5 stars.
They were released this morning so here they are. How many best pictures have you seen? I have count two so far, Sideways and The Aviator.
Pete over at APCB, the initials to the best named blog, ever, lists the movies he’s seen that are in IMDb’s bottom 100. I’ll do the same, but I find it a little bit unfair to try to match a professional blow by blow.
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
Bats — And I found this one interstingly hilarious.
Iron Eagle II
Jaws 3D — They used the 3D gimmick as an excuse to send a shark at you.
Tarzan, the Ape man
Jaws, The Revenge — Must be a shark thing.
Hercules, in New York — Saw during a bout of insomnia. Who knew that Arnie with a dubbed vocals could be so funny? Why not his own?
As you can see, I like watching quality films! Although, honestly, I have partially seen plenty of the others on the list, but these are the ones I actually sat through.
All movies in the end are love stories none more so than House of Flying Daggars. With that title, you would expect a return to Kung Fu theatre. To wit, “Damn! Those house of house of flying daggar dudes rank right up there with five deadly venoms!” Alas, it is not happening. I was bored to tears by this movie. The last time someone throwing side kicks up some dude’s head put me to sleep, David Carridine was walking on rice paper. I think the art house kung fu flick is now dead. Bring back Bruce Lee. More martial less art!
2 of 5 stars.
If I can save you money by convincing you that White Noise is a bad movie, then I have done my job. The movie was predictable from the start. In fact, before it was even released, I had predicted the ending. Unfortunately for me, I saw it in the theatres and had my suspicions confirmed. It had the feel of the Serpent and the Rainbow movie. It presented the EVP, electro-video phenomenon, as something real, just as the Serpent and the Rainbow presented zombies/voodoo as real. I was just not buying it.
2 of 5 stars.
