The Judge

The Judge will surprise you.

I didn’t think it would be any good. Turned out I was wrong. It was good because of the acting. Robert Downey Jr. is always on point. Great to watch and chew up the scenery. Robert Duvall is an old man; ornery. Then there was the others in the cast, Vincent D’Onofrio, Billy Bob Thorton, and Vera Fermiga. They are all renowned actors. Not a bad one in the bunch.

So this movie is a display on acting, but there’s a story there. The standard bad son comes home to resolve issues with his family, father, and hometown. You knew it would get there, and you know how it would end. But the acting makes it all worth while.

3 of 5 stars.

Gone Girl

I think I’m falling into the camp which finds Gone Girl misogynistic.

At least, that’s what I thought 2 to 3 weeks ago right after I saw the movie. I still feel it is a tad misogynistic, but I think it could be of how the balance of the story was told. The wife was batshit crazy, and the husband wasn’t dickish enough. Not sure the book was imbalanced in that way. I just been reading other reviews comparing the book to movie.

Supposedly, the husband was a dick. More so in the book. In the movie, he just seems ass-holey. He could’ve been made more of an ass.

And the wife could’ve less crazy with capital K for KooKoo.

The best part is the ending. They are married.

3 of 5 stars.

Annabelle

When you read my review about Annabelle, there is only one thing you want to know: Is it scary?

Considering that I am writing this review in the dark of a stormy evening, and that I have to try to remember what scares the movie had, I think that isn’t wasn’t. There were some. You would’ve seen them in the trailers, but over all not scary.

Annabelle, the movie, is the prequel to the early part of The Conjuring. It tells how that dang doll became evil.

When we first get a glimpse of the doll, you will laugh. It was a present. When the box opened, you will laugh. It is the most ridiculous doll you ever saw. How can someone want that? Yet, it was accepted with gladness.

Annabelle, the doll, only becomes evil due to evil circumstances having to do with Southern California death cults. It’s the Manson Family, but worshipping the devil.

The best scares were in the basement. The elevator scene had me cringing every time the door opened. Running up the stairs was frightening. The floating doll scary. And the way it looked evil from moment to moment made me scared.

Yet. When all’s said and done, that’s all the movie had. The denouement was lame. I knew it had to end that way.

3 of 5 stars.

The Boxtrolls

Boy do I love animation. I am crazy for anime. I am a big fan of Pixar. CG style? I can take it. Hand drawn? Love it! Now for a little love for stop-motion style of Laika. Every couple of years the studio releases one of their hand made gems. Coraline was a revelation. Para-Norman was spooktacular and featured some of favorite animated images of the past few years.The Boxtrolls is fun animated movie to love, too.

The Boxtrolls starts with a kidnapping. The boy becomes a box troll, a race of creatures living in the sewers who recycle things into inventions. They also sound like Gizmo from Gremlins. The movie unravels the tale of why the boy was kidnapped, why the town hates the box trolls, and why cheese is a necessity.

I really dig Laika as an animation studio. Para-Norman was phenomenal and made me wonder how they did it. The Boxtrolls continues on with fine craftsmanship. The story is a little bit trite, but it works. I wish we would get more diverse animated fare in the future.

3 of 5 stars.

Let’s Be Cops

Let’s Be Cops. Let’s not.

Let’s not be unfunny. Let’s not be about a white getting drunk on the authority of the badge. Let’s not be about his black friend worried about where that power is taking them. Let’s not be about fake cops breaking the law. Let’s not be real cops using any means necessary to capture the bad guy. Let’s not be about fake cops abusing their power.

In the days since #ferguson, this movie is worst and worst. Cops is bad. Fake cops is badder.

2 of 5 stars.

Guardians of the Galaxy

Watching Guardians of the Galaxy gave me the feeling that I had seen this movie before. If only I was 7 years old again and without the internet hype machine, then watching this movie would remind me of Star Wars.

Like Star Wars, there was a ragtag band of scoundrels gathered together to save the universe. Instead of Darth Vader, there was some Kree dressed up in darkness. Instead of a princess, there was a bad ass assassin. Instead of Chewbacca, there was Groot. Instead of Luke and Han, there was Starlord and the raccoon. And there was Draxx. 

It was a pleasure to watch. Lots of lasers and lots of the Marvel Universe only true Marvel fans know about.  Kree? Thanos?  Nova Prime?  Hunh?! What? I never read those comics. I just read X-men.  Still, even not knowing, I had fun with these A-holes. 
I wish I was 7 again to enjoy this like Star Wars. 
3 of 5 stars. 

Lucy

Lucy started off as a revenge flick, then ended up being 2001. Wha, what?!

Scarlett Johanson plays Lucy, an American ex-pat in Asia, who gets caught up in a drug trafficking scheme. The drug in question if taken in a large enough dose makes you use 100% of your brain. And when you use 100% of your brain you can manipulate matter! Wha, what!!

I really wanted a revenge flick. I wanted to see Scarlett Johanson to kick drug kingpin ass. But she was done far too early. Then we started exploring what the heck.

Scarlett Johanson was Data from TNG.

3 of 5 stars.

Hercules

Hercules has the Rock in full on scene chewing mode. It also has the rest of the cast including Ian McCane, John Hurt, and Rufus Sewell digging in and chewing it up just as the Rock has. If you need to see a B movie this summer, you can’t do wrong with Hercules.

This film tries to dispel the Hercules myth. Son of Zeus? Doer of the 12 trials? Lover? Warrior? Indian chief!

According to the movie, Hercules is a band of ne’er-do-wells who survived all the trials and tribulations to make the myth of Hercules. Of course, the actual Hercules leads this band which includes a ‘leaf’ smoking soothsayer, an Amazon, a Celtic berserker, and Rufus Sewell who you will wait for the third act turncoat. The Amazon made the movie for me. She had a striking resemblance to Nicole Kidman. I kept wishing it was Nicole Kidman, because the movie would’ve been awesome if it was. But it wasn’t, and yet I kept seeing Nicole Kidman kicking ass.

So we find out the myth is bigger than the man, but the man is as much a hero because he acts like one. Cool. Watching the movie helped out a boring week on bug watching for work.

3 of 5 stars.

Sex Tape

My eyes! My eyes! I wish I never saw Sex Tape. It’s not worth a trip to the movie theatre to see let alone a trip to the Red Box at Royal Farms. Skip it and leave it to die a lonely death in the cloud.

2 of 5 stars.

Snowpiercer

Snowpiercer currently has a 95% fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes. Reading through the capsule reviews most all of them really like the movie. I must be in the minority 5% because I did not like the movie one bit.

Snowpiercer is science fiction movie about a future Earth covered in snow and cold with the remnants of human civilization living on a train that constantly circles the world. If it stops, humans will go extinct. Passengers on that train are either the haves, the upper 1% who inhabit the front of the train with sushi, clubs, and books, or they are the have-nots the sorry passengers at the back. They yearn for the type of stuff that the haves have. Into this world is Chris Evens who wants to go from the back of the train to the front. He leads a revolution.

With that set up, Snowpiercer would lead you to believe that the film will be an allegory. Except, it wasn’t. Yes, there was the battle between the haves and the have-nots. But there was also the musical number in the middle. And then Bong Joon Ho’s favorite, the key master and his daughter. They came from another movie. The allegory was lost. The movie had many different tones to it. How can you really make it an allegory when it was all over the map?

I think that Sucker Punch had a better train fight. This is the second Bong Joon Ho film that I didn’t like as much as others had. The first film? The Host. I didn’t like that one as much. This film makes me feel like I did during The Dark Knight — I think I’m missing something.

2 of 5 stars.