It’s Complicated

I've seen most of writer-director Nancy Myer's oevre including her holiday smash, It's Complicated http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1230414/. Most of the time it was against my will as she, along with Nora Ephron, makes movies that are in no way to my taste. Yet, I enjoy watching them immensely. I love the remake to The Parent Trap. I laughed throughout Something's Gotta Give. I enjoyed my time in the theatre watching It's Complicated.The premise of It's Complicated is that Meryl Streep's character has an affair with her ex who is married to a young woman. She is also courted by her architect. Hijinks ensue.The first impression I had was this movie has those roles that are well written for women. Streep's character is well rounded. She's not the screachy ex-wife, but has enough contempt towards her ex even though they fall back into bed. She's not a caricature. Her motivations are many: vengence, remind her she's sexy, nostalgia. She's got it all and Streep plays the character with conviction expressing each motive in subtle ways.The only fault of the movie is that it plays the "will they or won't they" theme between the ex-es. Will they renew their relationship as husband and wife? It wasn't hard to tell where that plot thread was going so that Alec Baldwin's plea at the end seemed hollow and forced — like Myers couldn't write for a man. Always move forward never backward and spinning, spinning towards the future.The dude from the Office was a distraction as they should've used someone less famous. I thought he was going to do something, but ended up doing nothing.The real star is Streep. The real story revolves around her. She makes it all look so effortless. And why is she so old.3 of 5 stars.

Nine

There are better ways of spending some quality staycation time than watching the failure of a musical, Nine, like ironing. In fact, I was ironing just before I decided to catch this mess. I wonder why I choose this flick after all, I am not really a fan of musicals especially the newer ones.

Nine extends Frederico Fellini’s 8 1/2 onto the Great White Way. It is a musical devoted to the writer’s block from a great director who can’t put his latest movie down in script. He spends time dredging a semblance of a tale from the various ladies in his life, the wife, the mother, the mistress, the confidant, the leading lady, the whore. Each girl contributes something for him to use and amuse himself into writing a movie.

Penelope Cruz was the mistress. I like her corset. Sophia Loren was the mother. She’s old. Marion Cotilliard is the wife. She’s resigned. Fergie was the whore. She had the best song (supposedly), the only song I think I’ve heard about.

Nine was supposedly a Tony winner. The songs were also. I thought the songs were not remarkable. I don’t think I liked any of the songs. I should’ve walked out.

1 of 5 stars.

Sherlock Holmes

Watching the movie, Sherlock Holmes, is similar to reading the Arthur Conan Doyle books, because you’ll be puzzled about the mystery until the end when Holmes shows his work.

Basically, the plot is to take down the British government, recapture the United States and take over the world by the Illuminati or whatever they’re called in this book. Holmes and his trusty sidekick use wit, muscle and the power of deduction to stop the plan. Do I even have to tell you that they succeed?

Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes had me wondering when he was gonna crawl into an Iron Man suit. Jude Law is a pretty Dr. Watson. Rachel McAdams was wasted in this movie and I kept wondering if her character was ever in any Holmes novel.

Sherlock Holmes is a good winter diversion.

3 of 5 stars.

Up In The Air

For a moment there Up In The Air tried to be about redemption. A man lives his life on the road afraid of commitments, relationships, baggage, but with the help of three women in his life he finds that life is more than traveling. Then a twist that you knew had to be coming comes and the movie gets our leading man back on the road where he belongs.

The trailers lead you to believe that George Clooney finally gets off the road to now where. He doesn’t. He is defined by the mileage and the rental cars and the gold club and the flying. Girls try to change him. But it really isn’t him. And so he stays the same. All the better for it.

I didn’t like that he didn’t change. I thought he would and we would have a feel good movie. When he didn’t, I felt lost. I wanted to fly away from the theatre.

Are there moments in my life where traveling would be fun? Yes. Do I like to fly? No. Especially if there are pantsu bombers out there.

3 of 5 stars

Avatar

I’m gonna service the queue and the first movie up is Avatar which I saw opening night before the big snow storm in surreal “IMAX” 3D.

I was always very skeptical on the look of the film. James Cameron spent upwards of $300 million on this movie and in the commercials it looks like a Halo cut scene. With my 3D goggles on that first night, it looked like $300 million on the screen, and it did not look like a cut scene. It looked pretty awesome and pretty, too. All that $300 million to render and make the physics look good was worth it. But that $300 million did not pay for a story.

The movie’s plot has been compared to Dances With Wolves and other films of white guys going to the natives. And it sure was very similar. The Terminator guy loves his blue skinned honey. He loves his blue skinned avatar as well as it gives him the mobility that this shriveled legs lack. He gets his legs back and his soul back to save a planet. And of course to condemn another planet to death.

Avatar had weird politics. It asked the audience to cheer for the Indians as they slaughter the pioneers. It asked the audience to choose to root for the insurgents as they blew up IEDs on the unsuspecting soldiers. It asked the audience to be bigoted against the other. For a group of people that valued a universal emotional/physical bond, the Nav’i sure hate those that are not the same. They expel the humans from Nav’i world with extreme prejudice. I don’t understand why they let some humans stay.

Avatar also had weird concept of evolution. Does it work the same way on planet Nav’i as it does on earth? Then what’s up with the ethernet jacks. I wonder how these things evolved, and what is the evolutionary need of such a thing on all the things there.

The visuals were a feast for the eyes, but I was too busy trying to understand the evolution of these species to fully get into the movie.

The battles were pretty good, James Cameron is a cheese master though, the movie had a Phantom Menace vibe as it could not live up to the hype, and I couldn’t help but notice that it was a mash up of many different movies: Princess Mononoke, The Matrix trilogy, Dance With Wolves, etc. Cameron is frustrating on the story end.

3 of 5 stars.

An Education

You've probably never heard of An Education (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1174732/). Me too. But we caught it at the Landmark down by the harbor. Then we got some drinks at the Irish pub.The movie is adapted from the writer's memoirs as she grew up in England. She's skipping school, dumping her sixth form boyfriend, and hanging out at art auctions with a cad. He takes her to Paris, introduces her to mature things, and takes her virginity. Oh, to be young, English and in love!You just know that it can't be so straight forward. There'll be some measure of violence, physical or emotional, visited upon our young heroine. The rules of a memoir always state that you must first be naïve, then the world must come crashing down on you, then you emerge wiser than your years. Our young heroine was played by Carey Mulligan who, in this film, was a dead wringer for the traveling pants girl. I swear to kami-sama that it was her, but had to wait for the credits to figure out if it was her. It wasn't and I was delighted and disappointed. What's her name again? And will I care later?My problem with the film is that I didn't really connect with the girl. What was it supposed to be like to be 16, English, sixth form, stressed at A levels? I don't know, so I couldn't connect. And after a bit I didn't care. I wanted to see the violence heaped on her, but that violence was so benign that it deflated the movie. That was it? The big revelation? Meh.So, I can like it for the cad from London but overall: meh. I think I drank the next to nights and forgot all about this movie. The rating reflects the lack of hatred towards or attraction to this movie. It's middle of the road for me.3 of 5 stars.

Ninja Assassin

Ninja Assassin (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1186367/) is a second rate movie with second rate actors directed by a hack and is only worth your while if you really want to see ninjas. Since I was in the move for ninjas (who will be the pirates for the next decade), I saw this movie for shits and giggles and was I ever disappointed.I'm not looking for a ninja movie being Citizen Kane. I'm not even looking for it to be Die Hard. I just want it to have exciting ninja scenes and fights. Ninja Assassin gave me mediocre ninja scenes and incomprehensible fights. Ninjas scaling the walls: fine. Ninjas creeping along quietly: expected. Ninjas dealing death from the shadows: YES! More please. Ninjas in love: Hunh? I can deal with the love story. All movies are love stories in the end. Just these ninjas in love fell in love during their ninja training at the secret ninja camp under the vengeful eye of the strict, evil ninja sensei. Not what I expected.The action scenes are also not what I was expecting. I thought that we would get asian cinema action, but instead got american cinema action. Asian cinema action while chaotic is beautiful to watch because you can see what is happening. American cinema action has devolved into incomprehensible movement. It's hard to see what is going on, who is hitting whom, or what is damaging what. The action simplified into limbs being hacked off and digital blood spraying. That blood looked absolutely fake, too, kind of like those pornos with digitally enhanced ejaculation.Even if all complaints were addressed, it would've been hard to make up for the lame story. It's a tale of revenge. The Ninja Assassin must go back to his clan and kick their ass for killing what he holds dear. He makes it back to the secret hideout and with the help of Interpol and massive firepower (Why have a big bang shootout for the finale? Where's the ninja swords?). Would it spoil your fun if you know that he triumphs? Then don't worry. There are nine clans of ninja assassins so that a sequel could be written for the Ninja Assassin to take out the other clans. Ninja Assassin — bah humbug!2 of 5 stars

My Best Films of the Year: 2009

The end of the year and the end of the aughts brings another list of movies. Like the previous ones, these movies are rated 4 stars and above when I wrote the review. Most likely, if I re-watch them, they wouldn’t be rated so high.

Star Trek (5)
Drag Me To Hell (4)
Duplicity (4)
I Love You, Man (4)
Watchmen (4)
The Wrestler (4)

Every year, the lists seems to get shorter. I’m either being more judgmental of the films I saw this year or my taste is getting more refined. I admit that this year I have missed lots of movies in the theatre. I shouldn’t have published my list until seeing the movies of December, but I doubt I would ever get to those coming out this month. I’ll update if appropriate. I can’t wait to see yours.

Something’s wrong with this

I don’t quite know how to explain what’s wrong with this venn diagram. What’s the circle on the right supposed to represent? Why does the box that encapsulates it all have two labels? What’s the junction supposed to represent when the circle doesn’t really have anything? Hunh?

It’s f’ed up. Bah. And I thought xkcd was smarter than this.