“Steven Seagal? That fat fraud is a disgrace to the martial arts.”

broderic on September 14, 2005

Transporter 2. Not as bad as it would’ve been. It was the best comedy of the fall. Unfortunately it wasn’t supposed to be. There were a lot of unbelievable things happening in this movie. And you’ve seen them all in the commercial. Except for the way he disarmed a bomb with a hook, a wooden bridge, and an Audi. If you saw Diamonds Are Forever you’ll know the stunt.

Jason Statham is being considered as the new Bond. That would not be such a good idea. He should be the new Seagal.

3 of 5 stars.

“I wanted a house just like Xanadu, but without a dorky name.”

broderic on September 9, 2005

I am really getting lazy with my movie reviews. Here’s a quick roound up of the last few I saw.

40 Year Old Virgin – 3 of 5 stars. Could’ve been 20 minutes shorter seems to be the running complaint this summer. Don’t see it with your mom. Even if you’ve been laid it will make you feel like your the titular character.

The Constant Gardner – 3 of 5 stars. A challenging movie for the summer. First, the accents where somewhat hard to decipher that it made it hard to catch some of the plot points. Are they speaking in English?

Red Eye – 3 of 5 stars. Sweet 90 minute movie! Not enough of Rachel McAdams running. The script writes itself — See these people. They’ll be part of the plot soon. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda.

End of Summer Movie Season

broderic on August 28, 2005

Pretty soon it will be September. Hurrah! As it is my favorite month. Yet I have not finished this summer movie season strong. My attempts have trailed off the last couple of weeks. In fact I have seen some movies but have not posted my reviews because I essentially forgot that I did see them. Well, let me wrap up the latest films I have seen.

The Island is as absurd a movie as there ever was. Supposedly, Micheal Bay’s comeback to action vehicle. Umm. Has he ever been away from that genre? The most absurd aspect of that movie. Scarlett Johanson running away from god knows what. Ewan told her to run so she ran. Not like Tia Leone. Why did she run?
2 of 5 stars.

Valiant. We took my nephew. He got frightened from the evil hawk. I was wondering why none of the pigeons died. Come on it should’ve been the standard war movie plotting. Rag-tag bunch. Each one to die.
3 of 5 stars.

The Cave was not this year’s Deep Blue Sea. It should’ve been. Sad. It was not even good. But it was better than The Island.
3 of stars.

Quick Summer Reviews

broderic on August 8, 2005

It’s been a while since I have posted a review on this blog. It seems that the last thing I told you guys that I have seen was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It’s also been a while since I posted anything. I have seen some movies since last month and also read a book. So my movie viewing habit continues unabated and my quixotic quest continues slowly but surely. Here’s the ratings for the last thing I saw and read.

The Dukes of Hazzard 2 of 5 stars. (I would’ve given it 1, but there was some funny business with an armadillo helmet and Sean William Scott carried the day)

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. A- (You know you like a book when at the end you wish you could learn more about the characters. This deserves a longer review and/or a discussion.)

Movie Review: Charlie and The Chocalate Factory

broderic on July 23, 2005

Tim Burton’s version of Roald Daahl’s Charlie and The Chocalate Factory was an unexpected pleasing movie. Very different than my childhood favortie Willie Wonka, yet eerily similar. Plot very much the same. Supposedly, Tim Burton’s film hewed to the book much better. The most striking part was the music. The lyrics are directly from the book, but the backing rythms are today. I didn’t like it. I missed the campy oompa loompa songs of the earlier one. Danny Elfman is really becoming an annoying composer.

3 of 5 stars.

Quixotic Quest: A July book review

broderic on July 19, 2005

How to be Alone by Jonathan Franzen. A collection of essays which deal with reading or writing. It is about the insular world one escapes to when reading. As well as other essays about living the world.

It was the book I brought on vacation. I only read half of it.

B-

Movie Review: War of the Worlds

broderic on July 2, 2005

Tom Cruise is a good actor. The Steven Spielberg’s version War of the Worlds not so good.

I wondered why make a remake anyway when it is so like the 1950s version.

I hated the fact that what was added to the story was the father healing his family and saving his imperiled children. It did not help that Dakota Fanning was one of the kids in danger. Everytime she was threatened I was rooting for the aliens.

Same lame virus ending.

2 of 5 stars.

Movie Review: Lords of Dogtown

broderic on June 28, 2005

Oh, yeah, I forgot. I saw Lords of Dogtown last week also. Shows how memorable the movie was.

Watching it I kept waiting for one of the skaters to pop a backside kick flip 360. Alas, they were still sidewalk surfing. I loved the pool scenes. Jay Adams must be one fucked up dude. The actors were second rate.

3 of 5 stars. It made me want to skate.

Movie Review: Land of the Dead

broderic on June 26, 2005

That title should properly be George A> Romero’s Land of the Dead. Yes a new movie from the zombie master himself. And to distinguish this one from the other copy cats, the zombies return to their slow ways. If you ask me that is more scarier.

“Look a zombie!”

(minutes pass)

“Raarrr”

I don’t understand the appeal of zombies. Are they scary? If they’re as slow as Romero’s version. I think I can run away from them and I do a 5.5 forty! The movie was alright, but nothing special.

How come we have to have a zombie revival everytime some nut Republican is in the White House? Is it because we are all mindless scum to have put them in power?

3 of 5 stars.