“Have you ever lost something very dear to you?” “Well, yeah. Yeah, when I was twelve, we had this dog…” “I was thinking more along the lines of a massive sum of cash.”

broderic on September 26, 2020

It’s been a long while since I remembered a dream that I had. I woke up this morning with one that was all too vivid.

I was at the locally renowned steeple chase to cheer on that girl. She was participating and she was the favorite. I watched her walk the course and inspect the fences. Then they lined up at the start. I had wanted to call out her name, but instead waved to her and gave her the thumbs up hoping that she would see me. She had a different last name which made me wondered if she was remarried. I wondered if she divorced her husband as well.

Anyway, she didn’t see me surrounded by her parents and fans and the other riders. The gunshot to start goes off and away they go over the first fence and gone from view. I chase after, but pause anyway because it would be pointless. I’m left to wonder the outcome of the race.

After a bit, I hear the cheers and wonder if she had won. I say her name out loud and I say to myself I should’ve done something about it.

That’s when I bump into my best friend from grade school. He was there to support her, too. We chat for a bit and part. I feel loneliness and regret. I wish to have not lost touch with a precious friend, so I go running to find him. I ask if we can stay in touch. There is some anger for not doing so all these years. I exchange contact with him, but he’s still using a flip phone. The shock of which finds me waking up.

I feel loneliness and regret.

To remember friends who I’ve long abandoned to my memories is painful. I wish I had been a better friend to have stayed in touch. I’m hoping they are both living happy fulfilling lives.

Blind

broderic on June 20, 2014

Strange dream this morning. No, not about that girl. Nor the other one. But about a girl. More likely, girls in general.

I was in a golf cart at some golf course with my mom driving. She was driving haphazardly giving no courtesy to the players out on the course. A group on the tee was trying to hit us as we drove. I watched ball after ball come lazily drifting down at us. They were all nice drives.

At one hole, my mom knew one of the players. He asked the usual stuff of me: age, work, married or single. When he found out I was single, he said he I was just right for his daughter.

So, I ended up on a blind date. Which starts off with me waiting at some family restaurant. The waitresses know I was waiting for a girl on a date, so were harassing me in the way women tease men. I ordered a drink.

Next thing I knew, my date was there. We exchange pleasantries and begin to order. I try to order something that doesn’t require me to use my hands. No shrimp! Maybe a plate of chicken. We place our order and have another drink. I would need to go use the toilet. I excuse myself, the waitresses giggle, and I head for the bar which was where the toilets were located.

I would run into people making sure that my date went alright. Cousin Bob and Cousin Gigi in her silly floppy hat smoking cigars at the bar. CapitolSwell hanging out. I finish and head back.

She had people there making sure her date went alright. Her dad, her sister, her brother, and her brother’s girlfriend who was annoying. She was hysterical that they were going to break up and quickly dashed from the table with the brother giving chase. There was a plant on the table that made it difficult to talk to anyone at the table. I tried to move it with no success.

I’m there at a table waiting for the food to arrive on a blind date with a girl whose family is occupying most of the table. We haven’t even begun a discussion.

Then I woke up and wondered why I had such a dream.

Public Transit Twist

broderic on April 22, 2012

Crazy movie-like dream involving I. It must be written down or else lose it to the haze of memory as I wake. This dream had a great story line with a beginning middle and an end. Yet, it is already going.

I calls me out of the blue, and invites me over to her parents house on Saturday. They live right down the road from me. Really, they did in real life. I’m ecstatic and can’t wait for the weekend to come.

On the day, I take public transportation or maybe walk over. When I get there, she invites me in. Her parents are not there, but she’s not alone in the house. She’s with a blonde haired young dude who she introduces me to. The guy can’t stay and leaves us to ourselves. I at first think the guy is a neighbor; he’s young and as he leaves, he walks down the street. Later, dude! I get to spend a Saturday with I!

This part of the dream is leaving me now.

We drink coffee. We hang out. We talk about our lives that has passed. We clean up her parents house. I am having a good time. It feels like I may have a chance with her again. At one point she goes to throw some things out, and I give her a hand. As she walks out the door with the garbage bag, she mentions that she never was married. She never had kids. I get the shakes hearing this. The window of opportunity just opened, right?

I start turning on the charm and try to be less subtle in my passes. I put the moves on her getting close to her, and she begins to feel uncomfortable. I back off slightly not wanting to ruin things. Then it is evening, and I had to go.

I’m taking the bus back home. She’s steps out for a minute as I get my things together. I’m giddy trying to figure out how to restart our friendship and turn it into a relationship. Can I finally go out with I? Is she home to stay? She did say she liked me and missed me right before I got all forward, right? Yes, maybe, hopefully.

But she returns with the young blonde boy who I thought was her neighbor.

We get on the bus. Me and I on one side; the blonde boy on the other. I’m very happy thinking how to end this right. I think that I should ask her out to dinner or drinks or get her phone number. I can envision establishing a relationship wherein we end up married. It just may happen. She is my über-girl, and it would mean a lot to have her as a girlfriend.

As we are jostled around, I make a pass on her. I attempt footsies. I tickle her toe with mine except that it didn’t really tickle. It seemed I scratched her with my toenails. She cries out, and I know that I’ve just killed any chance with her. She rubs her toe, and then the twist of this dream happens. The blonde boy immediately jumps to her side and embraces her! Comforts her. He rubs her feet and relaxes her. She gives him a peck on the forehead, but it is a signal to me that she is spoken for. She had brought him along as a hint that she had a boyfriend! My hopes are shot, and I can’t of think of anything to salvage the situation. Maybe I can get in the friend zone and bide my time.

I wake up without ever finishing that bus ride.

Up In Morning

broderic on January 10, 2012

I debated about writing up this dumb dream when I arose from bed. I didn't want to write it up because I had to get up and shower. I thought I wasn't going to, but on the commute to work I decided to post it.It starts out in a school room is all I can remember from the beginning half. I guess we were studying and S was in my class. I think I was getting cozy-friendly with her during studies.Then we were in my Aunt's house. It must've been some kind of baby shower as there were nothing but women with little kids running through the house. S was around. I wanted to show her how cool I was around babies so I grabbed the nearest tyke. I was scolded because I had let her slip through my arms. Imagine my surprise as I stood around lots of mothers with a little toddler dangling from her blanket in my hand. Silly me.I go outside to chat up S who was enjoying the kids. Cousin Bob comes out of the house on a skateboard wearing funky sandals. He passes the skateboard to me and I am cool now.

Piece Meal

broderic on April 25, 2011

Before this snippet of dream goes away…

Of course it involves S.

We were running away from some kind of war. I believe we were in COD4. I had the gun. She was following me. I’ll be your protection.

We’re separated.

Later, I ask some guy in another squad if he had seen S.C. He comes back. She’s alright. She’s got a message for me: “Kiss me the next time you see me. You know you want to.”

… I liked the last line.

Freud, a little help?

broderic on April 13, 2011

Snippets of a dream.

I awoke this morning happy and sad at the same time. This one may just be very, very weird, and the twists and turns should make it terrible, but still, I endured and awoke smiling. I believe anytime I think about her (or them or the Ur-girl), I’ll be happy. The closest I’ll get to a female. *sigh*

S came out of my brother’s room. I was surprised.

We’re downstairs. She meets my parents. Dinner? Lunch? It was cold outside
and everyone’s on the couch watching television.

S and bro? They are on the couch together. Her hand’s in his. I am jealous.

I go upstairs and check my brother’s bedroom. There’s only one bed. I am jealous.

I punch the walls. I punch the windows. I storm into my room. My feelings are hurt. This a betrayal! I thought *we* were friends. How could she? How could he?

I try calling CapitolSwell on my cell. Pick up so I can bitch. No answer.

She comes into my room with her little dog. I confront her straight up. “Are you going out with my brother?” She laughs at that. How do I interpret this?

My sister-in-law is there! How do I interpret this?

S looks at the pictures on the wall. She likes one of my self-portraits. I say that’s not the best one. It’s too dark in color and tone and muddy. There’s another self-portrait in around here because I am vain like that. The colorful one hangs in the hall. She likes it too. Is she making small talk? She’s smiling and gay.

She’s got to be leaving soon. I pick up her dog who had pooped on the floor. She picks up the poop and throws it down the drain.

We try to catch up. I think she likes me now.

She says, “Where’s my ribbon for my 30?” What does that mean? Are we that young, because I feel like my 39 year old self. I give her a hug and wish her a happy birthday. Sister-in-law also wishes her well. We are friends now. I think she likes me.

I wake up. What a delicious dream.

Throw Away All the Pain that I’m Living

broderic on February 3, 2011

Crushes, most of the time infatuation, don’t amount to much. They happen, but if you keep the object of your affection at arms length you, they eventually fade. You’re left with only pleasant memories and perhaps a dream of what could’ve been.

We are in grade school but I don’t think it is grade school. I get to class and she’s the only one in there. It is the last day of school. We graduate today. It’s just me and her in the classroom.

I make a move. I kiss her. She kisses me back. I’m looking into her face. She is smiling. I don’t want this to end. I kiss her again and again. I feel her up. We make love. I can’t believe we are doing this. She is my girlfriend because she told me.

We got to go home as we’ve graduated.

Wait! Your phone number! She’s already sent it to my phone. Yup, there’s her text on my flip phone.

I head to the locker room. I say farewell to a couple of people. Most importantly I say farewell to my buddy, JH, Keep in touch, bro!

The girls are giggling by their lockers. My girlfriend and her girlfriends. I can’t wait to see her later…

This was a dream I had the night before. I wasn’t going to post it, but it falls right into the theme this week. I matched it with today’s music break.

Memories are made of this

broderic on November 13, 2009

I was watching a night of Grace Kelly on TCM. I can't get enough of her and of watching TCM. There's something I really like about the old-timey movies on that channel. Is it the uncomplicated innocence of the era? Is it the actors before there was an idea of celebrity? Is it the stories? Or am I just nostalgic about things?I am nostalgic and sentimental, but this post isn't about movies on TCM. It's about a dream this morning. *Groan* I know I've trod this path before. And I know I promised not to. But you know what? I like to make Google index my brain. So I'll write this dream down, let Google store it in its hive mind for eternity.This dream was probably driven by Grace Kelly She's from Philly. The girl I dreamt about is from Philly. The Phillies lost the World Series. I lost contact with this girl.So S., I meet her somewhere. I forget where. We did stuff around and end up at my Mom's. My Mom's house, circa 1995 around the time I met S.. Next, thing I know I'm waking up and dressing for something important. I'm wearing something a little more adult and I pull on a blazer. My brothers are dressing up as well. I'm thinking, "Where's S.?" Where did I leave her? She came home with me? Is she still asleep? Yes.She's still asleep in my brothers room. I'm getting changed as she wakes up. Now, S. was super pretty: brunette, hair to her shoulders, freckles — enough to see, but not enough to get in the way. She's just getting up. Naked, but wrapped in the bed sheet. Like this doesn't make me happy. She takes a shower. She's dressed.The dream moves forward in the disjointed way dreams do. We end up at some wedding shower! Hosted by my Tita! How does she know S.?! Of course, she knows S. She knows everyone! And the wedding shower is for her. I'm saddened by it all. There she is sitting front and center, looking pretty and amazing. She's seated next to a picture of her with curls! Curls? Is G. getting in on this dream?I'm thinking, "She's been in Baltimore all this time?" How come I didn't meet her againg? How come Tita didn't mention it? This is just awful to meet the girl in your dreams again on the day that she is celebrating being betrothed to another. Que lastima!Anger for missing this opportunity. Sadness for missing this opportunity. Resigned that this is my life. In a dream, I still don't catch any breaks.

Shot down in flames

broderic on June 21, 2006

Yikes, this is getting scary and fun. I dream about I again.

I’m back taking classes at Towson and my class is in the old building on campus which use to house the cs department. I get there and the class is packed so I end up near the windows in the back.

In walks the dame.

She doesn’t see me and takes a seat in the back as well. I hide from her all class until the end when we meet and exchange pleasantries.

“Hello.” “Hi.” “What’ve you been up to?”

The next class and I want to tell her something about the way that I feel. I’m going to do it afterwards.

As classes finishes, I walk out before she does. I wait for her at the bottom of the stairs. It takes her awhile to get out. I see her now amidst the crowd. As she descends, I ascend up to her.

“Hey. You got another class?” “No, I’m done.” “Can I walk with you to your car?” “Sure.” “I got something to ask.” “Yeah?”

Now here’s the deal. I want to ask her what happened between us when we were kids. Was there something there? Did I blow it? (Most likely yes and no. Stupid adolescents.) Except this is what came stammering out.

“Would you like to get coffee?” (Coffee?!)
“No. I got to run.” (Ouch)
“Uhh. I mean on saturday?”
“No.”

She’s leaving and I can’t do anything about it.

“You know I’m asking you out on a date?”
“Sure.” (Meaning she knows. Damn!)

She’s getting into her Lexus SUV. Think. Desperation sets in. I can’t let her leave without attempting to re-establish a relationship.

“At least, can I get your phone nymber?”
“I’m in the book under my sister, Becky.”

Becky? What’s her last name again? O, yeah. I remember. I don’t think her sister’s name was Becky.

She’s gone and I feel low. I get into my old Jetta and smoke a cigarette.

Then I am with my cousin and brother smoking in the parking lot of Friday’s. Telling them about this. It must be my subconsious telling me to blog this. I tell them the sad tale. They say clean out your ashtray there’s cigarett butts allover the center console. I open the door to dump the ashtray out.

Then I wake up with the taste of stale cigarettes. Was this only a dream?

Update: I think that this isn’t I, but SL. Why do I think that? SL had a sister named Rebecca as hot a brunette as SL. SL was also somewhat aloof. We had good times together but nothing spectactular. There’s no history there. I usually don’t dream about her.