Bat Hunt 2013

broderic on August 6, 2013

Not since the Great Bat Hunt of 2000 on the evening of Dad’s wake has the species Chiroptera dared to take on the Gonzales clan. On that night thirteen years ago, we defeated the bat that invaded our home. Tonight, they came again and left defeated.

I was sitting at home playing Simpsons Taped Out when Mom called. “There’s a bat in the house.” “Can’t you throw a blanket over it?” “It’s flying!” “Do you need to have me come over?” “YES!” So I went.

The last Bat Hunt was a full house of hunters. Tonight, I was on my own. Going through my mind was the fierce movement of the critter. It flies in zig-zags swerving and diving as it echo location finds clear paths throughout its paths. I wasn’t looking forward to this on my own.

When I get to the house, it was dark lock down like the geo-engineering colony on LV426. Even when I entered the house, it was dark and the alarm was on. “Hello!” Mom was upstairs locked in to keep the bat away. I go room by room turning on the lights. Nothing downstairs. Wait, there it is in the dining room light fixture.

Spotted! I’m gonna need something to catch it with. I’m going to need a blanket. Throw it on the chandelier, but will it hold?

Let me first poke it to see it move. Open up the doors so that we can shoo it away. I’m needing a longer pole. I don’t want to get close. I find a pole and a fish tank net in the garage. MacGyver has nothing on me. Here we go.

I try to capture it while it resides in the chandelier, but to no avail. I actually dislodge the bat which begins to fly around the room. Going through the house. Mom throws the blanket over her to keep from seeing the bat. I’m whooping and screaming like Kukichiyo seeing lady farmers. I’m trying to drive the bat to an open door. “Stand up, Mom! Stand up! Act like a wall so that the bat’s echo location will drive it to the open door!”

I catch it once. Then it’s out again. I chase it room to room finally succeeding in driving it out the front door.

Adrenaline surged through me throughout the hunt. Now I’m coming down. We are laughing again. And we go find out where it could have entered the house from.

The Great Bat Hunt of 2013 is done. Now I need to sleep. Calm down first – then sleep.

Faster Than My Bullet

broderic on August 31, 2011

Goodbye, August! Hello, September or as we call it around here News Radio Quote Month. I can’t believe I’m still doing it after all these years. I’m wondering if I have exhausted all the great quotes from the show leaving me with the “Matthew this” or “Lisa that” quotes. Plus, I can’t believe I am still into that show. You would think I would forget it like I’ve done with Northern Exposure or The X-Files, but it hangs around here like a Month of Quotes.

I see that CapitolSwell is taking up the challenge. Bring it!

Ninja Assassin

broderic on December 10, 2009

Ninja Assassin (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1186367/) is a second rate movie with second rate actors directed by a hack and is only worth your while if you really want to see ninjas. Since I was in the move for ninjas (who will be the pirates for the next decade), I saw this movie for shits and giggles and was I ever disappointed.I'm not looking for a ninja movie being Citizen Kane. I'm not even looking for it to be Die Hard. I just want it to have exciting ninja scenes and fights. Ninja Assassin gave me mediocre ninja scenes and incomprehensible fights. Ninjas scaling the walls: fine. Ninjas creeping along quietly: expected. Ninjas dealing death from the shadows: YES! More please. Ninjas in love: Hunh? I can deal with the love story. All movies are love stories in the end. Just these ninjas in love fell in love during their ninja training at the secret ninja camp under the vengeful eye of the strict, evil ninja sensei. Not what I expected.The action scenes are also not what I was expecting. I thought that we would get asian cinema action, but instead got american cinema action. Asian cinema action while chaotic is beautiful to watch because you can see what is happening. American cinema action has devolved into incomprehensible movement. It's hard to see what is going on, who is hitting whom, or what is damaging what. The action simplified into limbs being hacked off and digital blood spraying. That blood looked absolutely fake, too, kind of like those pornos with digitally enhanced ejaculation.Even if all complaints were addressed, it would've been hard to make up for the lame story. It's a tale of revenge. The Ninja Assassin must go back to his clan and kick their ass for killing what he holds dear. He makes it back to the secret hideout and with the help of Interpol and massive firepower (Why have a big bang shootout for the finale? Where's the ninja swords?). Would it spoil your fun if you know that he triumphs? Then don't worry. There are nine clans of ninja assassins so that a sequel could be written for the Ninja Assassin to take out the other clans. Ninja Assassin — bah humbug!2 of 5 stars

Good Times. Good Times.

broderic on December 13, 2006

This is some old shit! Thanks to the Wyman for this video. Of course I saw this when you do a name search of me on google. This is some old shit!

The only question is where the big W? And what happened to Dennis Min?