List: Movies, Best of 2006

broderic on December 9, 2006

This year sucked in movies. Or I have become more cynical when watching the shite in the theaters. Honestly, it is a combination of the two.

Hollywood has become more conservative in their approach to making movies. They need to make an impact with the “boffo b.o.” of the opening week. They mistakenly believe that this is where they can make their money, therefore they’re producing more movies that attempt to do that. They pay their actors exorbitant fee. They splash flashy CG on the screen. They plumb the depths of the lowest common denominator. Yet, they forget to tell their stories well. I believe the old adage that says there are only four typical story plotlines, therefore it’s imperative that the film-makers be judicious in how they unfold their story onscreen. I think Hollywood forgets that too often.

Indy films are not any better. They have mimicked their more prosperous competitor and lost their.

When will the magic return to cinema?

These are the films I believe to be the best I saw this year.

4 stars

That’s it. The others were mediocre — some fun and a pleasure to watch while others were not bad, but not good as well. Then I saw plenty of other junk. That is for another post…

List: Netflix Queue, Best of

broderic on December 8, 2006

Not only is it the season for gift lists, but it is also the time of year that people break out there “best of” lists. Here at BrowserMetrics, we aim to be like the rest of the sheep. So without further ado, here’s the first of what should be many lists (I do have to fill 31 days of posts).

According to my Netflix queue, as of today, these are my top rated DVDs this year. Of course I only started renting from them this year. Most of the good DVDs will have inspired a post on this site, so you could read my review. I hope you place some of these on your Netflix queue to enjoy.

5 stars

4 stars

Adventures From My Netflix Queue: Hell on Wheels

broderic on December 5, 2006

Hell On Wheels documents the 100th vesion of le Tour de France by following Team Telekom as they compete in that edition. It was funny to watch a tour from another countries side. If this was an American film it would’ve been about Lance Armstrong notching his fifth straight tour victory. Or even about the herculean effor put in by Tyler Hamilton to go the distance and finish fourth with a broken collarbone. Yet, this was a German film and being such, it focused on Team Telekom, a German team.

Funny that. This was the most exciting race of the seven that Lance Armstrong won, and this film barely mentions him. Hamilton got more coverage and even then it was bare.

The film follows several team members on this tour: Rolf Aldag, the consummate gunny-sargent, Erik Zarbel, the sprinter on his last legs, Andreas Kloden, wiped out and abandoned with a broken cocyx. It also shows some behind the scenes of Aldag and Zarbel with their massuese. These scenes were very reminiscent of the end of an era. Showing the humanity in the racers and their desire to finish. Zarbel especially comes off as being on the verge of losing his legs with his buddy, Aldag and his massuese by his side as his chances of being a force in the cycling world dim.

Anywhoo, I want to go out and ride right now, but it’s late. When’s summer coming?

4 of 5 stars.

The Fountain

broderic on December 2, 2006

This review of The Fountain is overdue. I had seen it last weekend. While the Ravens were beating up on Pittsburgh, I was contemplating the meaning of life with Hugh Jackman and Racheal Weisz. If that isn’t a mindfuck Sunday, then what is?

When the credits started rolling, a lady behind us asked, “Did anyone get that?” The audience muttered something that wasn’t a resolute yes, but a half-hearted no. Most people laughed as well figuring that everyone didn’t get the film.

But what was there to get? It was another movie contemplating life. In fact it can be summed up simply with “live your life to the fullest or you’ll regret it.” It just so happens that if you live forever and you don’t follow this maxim, you’ll want to plunge yourself into a dying star to make up for this regret.

2 of 5 stars.

Film, Thoughts on Film. Casino Royale

broderic on November 20, 2006

The new James Bond film is fantastic. But it’s too long and there are some slow spots in the film. Especially with James Bond in love. That’s right. James Bond falls in love in this one. And like “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” that doesn’t work out too well. It makes him into the Bond that he is today. Except for the misstep in “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.”

4 of 5 stars.

Mindless spot of the Eternal sun. F’eh!

broderic on November 13, 2006

There once was a blogger who wrote a review about the movie, Stranger Than Fiction. He had seen it the previous night. Now, it wasn’t the movie he went to see, but since that was sold out, it was either Stranger Than Fiction or The Return. Being tired of trite horror films since Halloween had just past and not wanting to watch a movie from behind the brim of his ball cap, Stranger Than Fiction was the only choice. He bought a ticket as did his companions, waited a half hour before getting seated, and patiently watched the film unspool before him.

While devouring a ridiculously large bucket of popcorn, he felt that the movie was trying too hard. That it was too clever by a half. It was as if the writer and director wanted to out clever Charlie Kaufman’s writing and out wit Michel Gondry direction. The “meta” style and “wink-wink” that the plot represented indicated to the blogger that the story was very much about a story. The flashes of graphics thought to enhance the picture were gratuitous and show-offy. He was so aware that this was going to be another movie he would not like.

Yet, there was some doubt. How can he not like it when the main character gets the girl? He thought the writers would surely make it a dream, but no it was real. The audience cheered this development. How can you not like it when the fictional writer had ten years of writers block? He knows how that feels. He was pulling for her hoping that she would write, “Fish for sale! Fish for sale!” referencing another of filmdom’s infamous writer with writer’s block.

Can this movie win him over? It did! The characters live happily ever after. Imagine that! Love conquers all. Live your life as if dying tomorrow would not be bad. The cliches he had to think about. They would’ve made him give this film a terrible review, but in the end, he has to admit…

…3 of 5 stars. Much better than expected.

Hocus Pocus

broderic on November 13, 2006

The Prestige

Back in the day, magicians ruled entertainment. I found it hard to believe. You’ll also find this movie hard to believe once you realize that it is truly fictional. The conceit of this movie turns upon the idea that science can conjure up something truly fantastical. That scientists through there work create an unreality that is macabre. This movie asks us to believe that magicians practice magic, but scientists practice a dark art. The revelation at the end wherein we learn that Tesla was a mad genius who produced a scientific body that defies science. No wonder Thomas Edison and his thugs had to discredit him; his work was not science but magic. And the magicians’ illusions were not slight of hand, but pure fantasy.

Hugh Jackman I can’t take seriously. For me he is always a comical character. I don’t know why, perhaps it was his role in Kate & Leopold. No matter, he was a distraction.

2 of 5 stars.

Running With Scissors

broderic on November 2, 2006

I thought Joseph Fiennes was Kevin J. O’Connor, the dude who played Benny in The Mummy. Throughout the entire movie, I kept thinking, “Man, Benny sure has some acting chops. Who knew?” Obviously, I didn’t, so imagine my surprise that it wasn’t Benny.

3 of 5 stars.

Top 5 Jason Hacks

broderic on October 28, 2006

I know I am late with the Friday the 13th stuff considering that it was two weeks ago, but I was thinking this in the shower the other day. I have seen almost all Friday the 13th slasher flicks and while they’re all pretty stupid, you have to admit that some of the deaths are mighty gruesome and hilarious. I can’t remember which films are which, but I don’t remember some of the gore. Here’s my list of the five most memorable Jason hacks. I’m excluding Jason in Space and Freddy v Jason, because I have yet to see them.

5. Party favor in the eye. While this is rather tame, I’m including it here for the fact that as it was shoved into the eye it made the noise party favors make.

4. Head squish. Jason was strong enough to crush your skull. He did it to one dude whose eye popped out. I think this was from the 3D movie.

3. Young lovers on a stick. Speaking about coitus interruptus.

2. Sleeping bag slam. Jason takes a camper hiding in her sleeping bag and whips her into a tree snapping her like a twig. Funny.

1. Handstand walker split in two. Dude who can walk on his hands gets bisected by Jason from crotch to sternum.